Ways to feel more studious without studying.

I'm currently procrastinating from studying pathology, and so allow me to present you with a few handy ways to feel as though you're being way more productive than you actually are... They work for me, at least.

1. New stationery, particularly if it is colourful and fun. This motivates me to make beautifully presented notes. Never mind that when I look back over them I admire them as one would a piece of artwork, opposed to actually reading them.
2. A cup of tea, or even better, a teapot. There's something about sipping from a mug of tea - green, herbal, English breakfast, or otherwise, that screams "I am pausing for a moment to ponder the passage I have just read" - even when the pause stems from a lapse in concentration resulting in a light Facebook stalking session. A cup of coffee, when the time calls for it, also suffices, however it gives off the air of being frazzled and stressed, opposed to intellectually at ease.
3. Glasses. Mine may be a lovely shade of baby pink, which means they fail to make me look at all nerdy, but there's something about wearing them that instantly adds a touch of "I take my work seriously and need all the visual ability I can get".
4. To do lists. I thoroughly enjoy making these, and feel so accomplished and self-satisfied when I can tick off what I have achieved. Note that watching the latest episodes of 90210, Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl count as completely valid to-do list items, as well as activities which contribute to good mental health and stress relief, whether it be coffee with friends or online shopping.

This is a ridiculously trivial post, but I leave you with my number one piece of advice: get in a good mental space when you want to study. If you're tired, irritable or hungry, whatever you attempt to concentrate on is not going to stick, and take 100 times longer to learn than if you are feeling good. This is why I continue to prioritise socialising, exercise, healthy eating and sleep even when I am studying.

Parental Guidance

I just opened a package from my Dad. He sent down a book (pictured left) entitled "No tattoos before you're thirty - What I'll tell my children" by Sam de Brito, along with an apology for not being able to buy me clothes (I am so fussy that my parents are almost terrified to buy me gifts without my approval first. Both have good taste, so I wish they would take more chances). It is an absolutely gorgeous book, with sections "to my gorgeous daughter" and "to my dashing son". From reading the title I thought it would be very preachy and full of inspirational quotes, but it is quite the opposite. It's filled with realistic, practical advice that I have definitely made note of. There are also a few things I definitely can't envision my father telling me, such as to sleep with a professional athlete or musician if all I want is sex as they are fit/creative. Definitely check it out if you have the chance - it filled me with warm fuzzies!

There are a few helpful things that my mother has told me that have really stuck. One of these is to always wear a bra. Giving one's breasts adequate underwire support is prophylactic for a boob job, she claims. So I've been part of the bra brigade since the tender age of thirteen, and aside from when in bed, can't stand the feeling of not wearing one - I feel all exposed and wobbly and imagine my breasts sagging closer to my navel. I see girls at the gym running on the treadmill in strapless bras and become filled with fear for the state of their rack ten years down the line. No cup size is immune to gravity, and a sports bra is an essential when working out.

Whipped Males

Note: This is not a how-to guide.

Before I embark on my specific feelings about guys who are whipped, I need to clarify my meaning. (If this were a debate, now would be the point at which I pulled out a dictionary definition. As it’s not, you’ll get my interpretation instead.) I use it not to describe the sort of decent boyfriend who is shunned in movies about adolescent male bonding, whose respect for his girlfriend and habit of returning her calls makes him a social outcast; but rather the guy who positively dotes on his beloved: needlessly, publicly, and to the disgust of anyone who is forced to witness it.

The whipped male can be sorted into one of two categories: beaten and pre-whipped. The beaten variety is always in a relationship and is whipped for only his girlfriend/wife/lover. Seeing him without her, he may not be easily identifiable as whipped. Some men, in fact, manage to conceal their state from much of society, particularly if work and social spheres don’t mix. This is handy, allowing whipped men an income with which to provide the trinkets they long to shower down on their adored. Climbing the corporate ladder whilst noticeably whipped is nigh impossible, as respect tends to go down the drain once your colleagues, superiors and subordinates have witnessed you carrying your wife’s handbag for an entire evening as you trail behind her while she socialises with your friends.

The one good thing about the aforementioned scenario is that the whipped male at least has a partner, because there is nothing less attractive than a pre-whipped suitor. When did men start thinking that the way to a girl’s heart is to agree with her on every subject, perform any small task she desires and demand nothing in return? Accepting your help with mundane chores does not signify wanting to spend more time together, it signifies a willingness to use you until you come to your senses and realise it’s NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Spontaneously sitting down in a club to guard the cardigan that’s been carelessly slung over a chair by a female friend is not protective and manly, it reeks of desperation. Malleability is not something most girls look for in a boyfriend- yes, plenty want to change their man, but THEY want to do the changing (and subconsciously pick men with whom they’ll never succeed, but that’s a story for another day).

The thing is, women have fought for decades- centuries- not to have to take care of men in every aspect of their lives, and we’ve come a long way. So far, in fact, that it sometimes seems men are voluntarily sacrificing themselves on the altar of servitude to the opposite sex because they think it’s what women want. It isn’t.

Things I can't help judging guys on #1

It's pretty apparent that I am an incredibly judgmental person - however a lot of my scrutiny is done because I am bored and find a little bit of mindless bitching is a perfectly reasonable way to pass the time. I'm not actually a horribly snobby person, I just thoroughly enjoy watching the world go by, but struggle to do so without criticising an outfit or two. There are a few things that guys do that I pick up on immediately*:

1. Choice of coffee. Mochaccinos, the addition of flavoured syrups, whipped cream and any sort of festive latte are all emasculating drinks. No matter how much testosterone you possess, orering a no-fat caramel cappuccino with cinnamon sprinkle is not something that commands respect. To be honest, you would probably be safer with a hot chocolate, as at least then you have come to terms with the fact you don't like coffee. This results in the consumption of "coffee" that might as well be a dessert. Don't even get me started on frappuccinos. Man up and get an espresso, please.
2. Wifebeaters when the weather does not call for sleeveless attire. I may think you have nice arms, but the fact we share this opinion isn't all that appealing, in that I assume you spend more time checking yourself out than the opposite sex.
3. Hoods and hats indoors. Perhaps this stems from how in primary school wearing a cap indoors wasn't allowed, but to me it looks scruffy no matter what statement you are trying to make.
4. Pimples. I know it sounds shallow, but when guys have whiteheads just waiting to be popped I get completely distracted from their conversation/attempts at flirting/otherwise gorgeous faces, overcome with a completely inappropriate desire to ask if I can squeeze it for them. It's really nothing more than a compulsive need to pick things ...

* None of these are deal breakers, by the way. A nice personality, great smile and a sense of humour can result in a guy being completely forgiven for any of these things (except maybe for ordering a Frappuccino).

Creatures of the Morning: Offensive People at Breakfast

Ah, breakfast, my favourite meal of the day. Without my morning coffee, I would not make it through the day conscious, and I adore cereal, toast and eggs to the point where I could subsist off them alone. However, upon waking, my body may be moving, but my mind lags behind. I must not be rushed or disturbed, however living in a university hostel means a peaceful cup of coffee over a light read of the newspaper is not always possible. At breakfast, I am in a very sensitive state, prone to irritation by numerous stimuli, including, but not limited to:

1. The Asian boy who makes what I can only describe as toast and butter sandwiches. He does not spread butter on his bread, but slices it, covers on one half of his white toast with a few millimetres of grease, folds his concoction into a sandwich and proceeds to munch loudly. But that's not all! When it's time for cereal, it's a wonder that he doesn't fall into the bowl. He leans in as much as possible, presumably to decrease the time of moving the spoon from the bowl to his mouth. He shovels his rice bubbles into his mouth with urgency. Oh, and of course he slurps. Loudly.
2. The keen first year with a loud voice, incapable of talking about anything but her studies. Seven 'o clock in the morning is too early to hear about which module you studied last night for the biochem test.
3. The girl insistent on engaging in cheery conversation with all in her vicinity. I'm not in the mood to act like I'm looking forward to the day ahead. I did enjoy when she confused a war veteran with a veterinarian, however.
4. The guy who drinks a litre of milk as a light refreshment and fills his cereal bowl with hash browns and sausages. That's not "mass gaining". That's gluttony. He is not muscular enough to justify such excessive eating habits, however he is greedy enough to put me off my own food.
5. The girl who comes to breakfast with perfect hair, makeup ... and track pants. Not only is this a walking contradiction (is she putting effort into her appearance or not? She should get her cereal in a dress and heels or pajamas and panda eyes), it makes me feel lazy and insecure.

Basically, I just feel like complaining, and I'm not in the mood for people at breakfast time. Don't take me seriously ... I become human soon after consuming caffeine.

Literacy for the Modern World

I can’t speak for all women here, but I have to say this: I respect a man who uses predictive texting. Yes, it’s petty. But as has already been established, I am apt to judge males based on the most insignificant details. If I am getting to know you, and we are texting, I do not want to receive messages that read as though written by a child with poor spelling and motor skills. It affects my perception of the sender, as I inevitably imagine them saying whatever they’ve written, abbreviations, condensations, missed vowels and all. If I’m interested in you, I would like to know that you are a) intelligent and b) articulate. If I don’t know you very well, a message that reads “o I hpe u gt hm ok lst nite, ws fun lol nd I neva thort dat I cud hv fun at a gig soba!”* is both irritating and difficult to respect. It’s not that I can’t understand what you’re trying to say- I was fourteen once too- it’s more that I would prefer to be communicated with in a way that doesn’t imply sub-average intelligence and a speech impediment.

This is not to say that I wish to receive essays about your day, and excessive justification or explanation of everything we discuss. I generally prefer to be the garrulous one in a conversation, and one that takes place via text is no exception. The “strong, silent” archetype is really boring, but unless you are Russell Brand, talking so much that I can’t get a word in edgeways is not necessary. The texting equivalent of this is sending too many messages that span three or more individual texts. I once received a three-text message that, I kid you not, could have been shortened to “What are you up to tonight?” without any loss of niceties, subtlety or information. The sender wasn’t that drunk either, because he called me shortly after when his digital essay didn’t elicit a response, and held up his end of the conversation (and mine really) with no problems. (SIDE NOTE: It amuses me no end when boys, after sending several text missives of increasing desperation and/or drunkenness, throw dignity out the window and decide to put the call in booty call. The resulting conversations are always hilarious. And just as futile as the texts.)

Of course, the other side of this coin is the frustrating and pointless one-word text. Actually, I take that back. This type of text isn’t pointless, as it functions as a pretty solid litmus test: if I ask a question and get a one-word answer, I know the sender is in one of two categories. Either they are someone I know well enough to be able to dispense with niceties, or they are someone who is attempting to show their dislike for me and/or my question. It’s usually obvious which is the case.


*This is an actual text, sent to me by someone in his early twenties.

"Real women have curves" and other generalisations.

Now, I enjoy Kate Winslet as much as the next person, but I am sick to death of hearing about celebrities defending their alleged "curves" and their fans showering them with praise simply for possessing an ass and a rack. What is even worse is when they claim that "men love women with a bit of meat on their bones" to justify themselves - yet another ridiculous generalisation.

The thing about Kim Kardashian, Jessica Simpson, Scarlett Johansson et al is the fact that none of them are anywhere near fat, they just happen to have been blessed with a booty. In the celebrity world, however, the definition of curves is incredibly skewed, and appears to be applied to any young woman who doesn't have bones sticking out when she parades around on the beach. I do understand, though, that the pressure to be thin when your entire career rests on your appearance must be incredible, and thus maintaining a normal weight could be considered some sort of achievement. However, despite the fact I'm not stick thin myself, I find it so offensive when they claim that "real women have curves". The truth is, in Hollywood, these "real women" are the ones with the curves in the right places, i.e. tits and ass. I find the perception of having to have hips, an ass and C+ cup breasts - "curves" in order to be considered feminine and womanly so offensive. I am friends with a few girls who have been blessed with metabolisms so fast it takes considerable effort to even put on a kilo. Does the fact they're flat chested somehow make them less feminine? Less sexy? What's even worse is when they announce that "Fred loves having something to grab onto ... no man wants to sleep with a bag of bones!".

There is a fine line between being curvy and being just plain fat, too. Case in point: Kelly Clarkson. Photos released of her recently clearly exhibit the fact that she is overweight - a risk factor for type 2 diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, and stroke, to name a few diseases. Yet Star Magazine reports:
“I’ve always been thicker,” she’s said. “I don’t believe in dieting.” And even now, says a friend, “She’s happy where she’s at. She doesn’t think being thin should be a big priority in her life.” Plus, she wants to continue to be a good role model for her more voluptuous fans. “She gets tons of fan letters telling her to stay curvy,” the source says. “The last thing she wants to do is betray those young women who look up to her by going on a crash diet.”
Who said she had to crash diet? Surely she would be setting a better example for her fans by subscribing to a healthy lifestyle - eating plenty of fruit and vegetables, exercising daily, etc. in order to lose the weight gradually. And why must we use complimentary euphemisms when we talk about fat people? If someone is plus size, heaven forbid we tell them they have an unhealthy amount of body fat. Oh no, they're merely "voluptuous". Why is it okay refer to girls who are underweight as skeletal and disgusting, yet if you called someone slightly overweight fat it would be considered insensitive and shallow?

Why is it that "scary skinny" celebs such as Lindsay Lohan are always portrayed as falling apart at the seams when they drop alarming amounts of weight, yet it is considered an admirable quality when an A-lister confesses to enjoying french fries? The desire to be skinny or even just lose a few pounds is perceived incredibly negatively, despite the fact it appears to be what so many women strive for. Weight seems to be such a contentious issue, and not a week goes by where a gossip magazine doesn't do a feature on someone's "baby bump" or "friends fearing for insert-name-here's health". It's become such an obsession that somehow the announcement that Jessica Simpson likes that she's gone up a dress size is now considered newsworthy.

I'm all for loving one's body, but this defensive excuse for not being underweight happens to put down those who are slim (naturally or otherwise), doing nothing for their body images. What is important is not so much what we look like, but how we feel about how we look and whether we are taking care of ourselves in order to look that way. We need to accept that real women come in all different shapes and sizes.